Finding Compassion for Yourself After a Diabetes Diagnosis

Shame is an experience that many people with type 2 diabetes encounter. If you struggle with these feelings, you are not alone. Unfortunately, this often results in people avoiding self-care behaviors or visits with doctors and, consequently, missing or delaying opportunities to screen for complications. There is also a significant mental and emotional burden involved.

Understand where these feelings come from

To help address shame surrounding a diabetes diagnosis, it is often helpful to identify where it stems from. It can be related to many things, such as certain language, stereotypes, and beliefs.

The impact of judgment and stereotypes

A big part of this experience involves the social side of diabetes and the fear of being judged by others. What will people think? What will they say? Will they look at me differently? Here we see an association with cultural myths, misconceptions, and stereotypes that are still tied to type 2 diabetes, as well as the way our culture talks about diabetes. This includes the idea that lifestyle is the only factor related to the development of type 2 diabetes and that many people associate it with being overweight.

The truth about diabetes stereotypes

When we look at ideas like these, we can see that there are elements of truth but they are not consistent across the board. And, these ideas impose blame and feeling like “it’s my fault.” We know that lifestyle factors and obesity are significant risk factors for developing type 2 diabetes. But we tend to bulk all lifestyle behaviors (eating habits, physical activity levels, etc.) into the category of “choice.” In reality, it’s not as cut and dry as a choice.

Why some lifestyle factors are not a choice

It’s helpful to remember that there are both modifiable and nonmodifiable behaviors. Many things influence your ability to eat right and be active. A lot of times, they can be socio-economic and environmental challenges. Some examples include:

• Geography
• Lack of transportation access
• Lack of food access
• Working night shifts

Some of these so-called “lifestyle factors” may not necessarily be a choice but a product of your environment.

The role of genetics

There is also a genetic component that is necessary for the development of diabetes. This is why some people who eat poorly don’t gain weight or why others who are overweight don’t have diabetes. Furthermore, consider that in India, while there are lower rates of overweight and obesity, there is a higher prevalence of diabetes.¹

Feeling like a burden to loved ones

Sometimes individuals feel shame because they believe that they will become a burden to their loved ones. Or, they believe that developing serious complications are a guarantee when you have diabetes. This too is not necessarily true.

Wen people automatically associate diabetes with complications, burdens, and disability, it stems from experience. Usually, they have a family member or friend with diabetes who had that experience. Early detection and intervention are critical for getting a handle on diabetes and avoiding or delaying complications.

The struggle with self-blame

There is the element of being judged by yourself (self-blame). As with lots of things, when diagnosed with diabetes you will naturally want to know the reason why this has occurred. This can bring about a sense of failure and blaming yourself as if you have somehow failed to manage your health or allowed this to happen to you. This line of thinking produces feelings that you have “brought this on myself” and extreme guilt.

Tips for managing your emotions

When dealing with heavy emotions, here are a few things to remember.

Blaming yourself does not help

It’s not your fault and blaming yourself doesn’t do any good. In fact, it only makes things worse. Dealing with the burden of guilt and failure puts you in a negative headspace. This makes it more challenging to create and sustain healthy lifestyle behaviors. Of course, letting go of these feelings isn’t always easy.

Many people find that journaling or using a “surrender box” is helpful. A surrender box involves writing a letter declaring your release of this emotion. And don’t be afraid to get support from a professional when needed.

You are not alone in this

Those words, “You are not alone” can be quite powerful. And it’s true. Let that sink in. Others have experienced these same emotions, the struggle of diagnosis and making changes, and living with diabetes. Millions of Americans have diabetes! It helps to connect with others who have diabetes and understand what you are going through. Diabetes support groups and online communities are an excellent resource for this.

Your health is your business

Okay, so it’s obviously your doctor’s business and, it is important for healthy coping and safety that you do not hide diabetes from your spouse or perhaps an immediate family member. However, it is no one else’s business that you have diabetes. You are in no way obligated to reveal to the world that you have diabetes. Of course, you will encounter some tricky situations on occasion, such as how to handle turning down sweets when necessary, but you will learn how to navigate these with time and support.

Diabetes does not define you

Experiencing some guilt is not uncommon. But allowing yourself to become consumed with this means that you are allowing diabetes to control you, rather than you controlling diabetes. You are so much more than a diabetes diagnosis. And, you are still the same person. Continue to engage in the things that bring you joy.

You can lead a full life with diabetes

A diabetes diagnosis does not automatically mean that you are now destined for complications. Taking control of your diabetes by doing your best to manage it will help you to avoid or delay complications. Sure, managing diabetes is not easy, and some days are harder than others. But, diabetes self-management practices do not have to be consuming.

Start small, little changes add up quickly. Get help from a diabetes professional when needed. You will likely need the most support and education during the first year or so following your diagnosis.