I Can’t Do Diabetes Right Now
The last six months of events with my loved ones’ health have impacted my life and have been hell. I haven’t been able to look after my diabetes the way I’d like to. It just couldn’t be the focus. Life has gotten complicated.
When life happens, diabetes takes a back seat
My young adult daughter had a routine surgery back in May that went sideways. Her recovery, which is still not complete, has had many setbacks. Too many. Through all of this I walked beside her every step of the journey. Trust me when I say, it has not been easy for her, or me, or the rest of our family. Considering I was living at the hospital with her or running back to the hospital, or have been accompanying her to medical appointments every two days since, I was shocked to see my A1C in range three months ago. Eating cafeteria or fast food more often than not for three months does not usually support diabetes.
In the following three months to now, my dad’s health declined to a point where he has now passed. That was a week ago. It has not been an easy journey for dad. My elderly mom has needed a lot of TLC to get through it all. It has been a lot of years since I have had to deal with any loss, thankfully. It is however my first time losing a parent and this loss is a big one.
With all this going on, my stress level has been through the roof. Somehow in all of this, I was supposed to look after my diabetes. How was I supposed to do that? Testing. Eating well. Exercising. Getting good sleep. Those things have just not been on my radar; not as important right now in light of the rest of the picture. I have been overwhelmed. Diabetes seems so small at the moment in comparison. I have been reminded by others that I should do a better job of looking after myself but I’m finding that impossible. I’m not sleeping well. I’m dealing with sadness I have never had to deal with before. I’m grieving. I am constantly in a state of worry for others. I am not depressed but I know that I am at risk for it relative to these life events. I deal with my stress through eating and there is a bit too much Halloween candy available right now.
Next week I see my endocrinologist. He will listen to what has gone on in my life. He will sympathize. His focus will be my numbers. His focus will be changing my treatment which I will resist because I know I can do better without making change. I can’t cope with more change right now. On the flip side, maybe he will be the push I need to get back on track. Right now, I just don’t feel it.
I have a small but mighty support system and I am resilient. I have the resources I need to deal with all of this. I will be fine soon, but I’m not there yet.
Do you know someone living with kidney cancer?