Feeling Like Everything Is Your Fault

Having a health condition you think is your fault can be quite difficult. And worse, you can start to feel that others think the same way. How do you deal with feeling like developing type 2 diabetes was your fault?

My mother warned me about diabetes

My mother had type 2 diabetes in her later years. She always mentioned that I might get it, but because it would be passed down through genetics; I was adopted. Rather because I didn't eat nutritious foods and I didn't weigh the "perfect" weight. Every time I had some kind of health issue, it seemed like she was waiting to see if I had diabetes. She would be surprised when I didn't. But eventually, the inevitable happened.

Being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes

I started out being diagnosed with prediabetes. Yet, I couldn't make the necessary changes to minimize my chance of developing type 2 diabetes. I tried at first, but since I went a long time without advancing to type 2 diabetes, it seemed I could "press my luck" some more. Then I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

While it wasn't a shock, I felt guilty and sad. I felt like I had done this to myself. Never mind that it's not the sole reason you can develop diabetes. I just knew in my heart I had done it to myself, and I hated myself for it. Of course, there are other factors like family history and insulin resistance, but I didn't eat healthily, didn't get enough physical activity, and so on.

Hating yourself won't improve your health

The thing is, you cannot hate yourself to become healthier. Mental health has physical impacts, too. Every time in the past I failed to follow a nutritious eating plan, I hated myself. Every time I gained weight after losing some, I hated myself. And that's a difficult cycle to heal from.

This was my wake-up call

I admit that it's still difficult for me to eat right, avoid eating a bunch of sweets, and exercise. My other health issues don't allow me to do specific exercises, but I can walk.

I still eat sweets and the foods I like, but I eat them in moderation now. A side effect of the medication I'm prescribed to manage my diabetes is that it suppresses my appetite. Due to that, I've lost over 60 pounds.

Working on my self-esteem

I still get down on myself, but I recognize that I'm doing better now. That helps me minimize some of my self-esteem issues. Sure, it took the proper medicine to see positive changes, but I'm healthier now and managing my diabetes.

I still have some pressing health issues that have nothing to do with type 2 diabetes. I've had 2 surgeries and have 2 more major ones to go. But maintaining a healthier weight and eating better helps me heal faster.

You don't have to feel like everything is your fault: it's not. Sure, it's wise to take responsibility for your lifestyle choices, but don't hate yourself. Learn to accept who you are and embrace small changes to make a difference.