The Emotions Diabetes Creates in Me
Life is truly wonderful, filled with good things. We love the good things, the ‘ups.’ We feel free. We laugh. We enjoy. We get together with those we love. We see the world in a positive light. We have peace.
There are also the ‘downs,’ the less positive times in life. They often come when we least expect it. I truly believe people are strong and very resilient. Because of this belief, I think, for the most part, we cope pretty well with the downs. We seek the help that’s needed for times when things don’t quite go as planned. Family, friends, professionals all there to help during those tough times. With a strong online community, we have even more resources when life is more challenging.
How diabetes affects my emotional state
Now add to the normal challenges in life a thing called diabetes. Diabetes is disease, a chronic disease. It’s not going away once we are diagnosed. There’s no cure at this time despite what you may read. It can be a hard disease to live with. I’m just stating facts. For those of us with diabetes, or any chronic disease for that matter, our ups and downs are often related to or dictated by the disease. Those ups and downs can change daily, even hourly. Our emotions often fluctuate with our numbers. At least for me they do.
That’s the part I hate. I cannot count the number of times I scratch my head after testing and think, “I didn’t see that coming”. Many times the number was high when it shouldn’t have been. Other times the number was in target when it shouldn’t have been. Sometimes, I am really upset at what my dictatorial little device, my monitor, will say. I have times when I am truly mad at this inanimate object. I have on more than one occasion been known to mumble and call it a little pr**k. Why? Because it didn’t show me what I wanted to see even though I know I worked hard, stayed vigilant to my good self care. It all makes my head spin. I can go from frustration to anger to denial to fear to sadness all in the space of time it took me to see the number on my monitor. My brain goes into hyperdrive before I can catch it. What really feels bad is the conflict I feel. I like control, healthy controls, in my life. With diabetes, I think it’s a fallacy to think I have any real reliable consistent control. I can do everything right and still find out my A1C says “No you didn’t.”
Don’t get me wrong. I have accepted that I have to live with type 2 diabetes. I have accepted that I have to pay attention to it to stay healthy. The emotional side was something I just wasn’t prepared for. After 13 years of living with type 2 diabetes, some days I still don’t handle the emotional side very well. Some days, it all just gets to me.
In the end, I have to accept there will be ‘those times’ and move back to the positives. Thank goodness there are still a lot of them.
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