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A man lays on the couch with a pile of medication, needles, and a diabetes monitor piling up on top of him.

I’m Just Plain Tired Of Diabetes

Most days, I live peacefully with diabetes. Today, I hate it. As I struggle yet again to deal with it, hope for the numbers I want and don’t get, I realize with some sadness that I have little control. My numbers are always on the border. Never much higher, but never lower either. I feel like I’m working hard to get the numbers, but I never seem to be in target. I know that I am doing what I need to right now but it just seems so hard.

Tired of type 2 diabetes

To be honest, I’m tired. Tired of being ‘good.’ Tired of feeling like I can never keep up to what my body wants to do. Tired of reading about all the ‘amazing’ results people are getting with what appear to be new ways of dealing with diabetes. Tired of being told what the magic pill is to fix me. Tired of finger pokes. Tired of having sensors fail. Tired of worrying about complications. Tired of going for blood work. Tired of hoping for a better result each time I go for blood work. Tired of kicking myself when I can’t make the grade I hoped for. Tired of turning to food when I’m feeling down. Tired of feeling guilty because it’s pouring rain out again for the 5th day and I’m getting no exercise. Just plain tired.

Right now, I’m on the highest dose of two medications for diabetes. That worries me a bit, more than a bit. I still fear insulin. Irrational I know, but I can’t seem to let go of that one. Where do we go from here? I haven’t had that discussion with my family doctor or endocrinologist yet. We are both hoping this will be part of the solution, at least for now. I have always turned to food when I am stressed and tired to the point of exhaustion. I know that cheating my nutrition does not help the situation but old habits die hard. Again, I’m tired of always having to think about diabetes.

My weight keeps me going

What I ‘hang on’ to when I am this tired is my weight. That is the only thing that keeps me motivated. I’m 5’8”. At one point in my life I weighed 230 lbs. Okay, it was longer than a point, it was a couple (or more) of years. That was prior to my diagnosis. I had lost a couple of pounds just before I found out I had diabetes but the weight loss was minimal. I also had an intense dislike of my scale back then. I had been known in the privacy of my own space to tell my scale where to go and how to get there in rather colourful language. Good thing I was alone. Today I weigh 163 lbs, still a bit higher than I’d like but, hey, I’ve lost almost 70 lbs and kept it off. As much as I hate my scale, it does appear to be my lifeline because I fear going back to that weight. Even with how tired I always seem to be, I never seem to be too tired to step on the scale.

Most times I can pull myself out of this funk. I’m struggling this time. I know there is a solution but I’m even too tired to think about what that may be right now.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Type2Diabetes.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • cherylthebookseller
    1 week ago

    Shelley, Thank you so much for having the courage to share this. I am very close to being one of those success stories that you are so jealous of. I struggle every day. I was where you are with an A1C of 7and taking 3 different drugs for my diabetes. I was 5’0 and 165 lbs., 2 years ago. I saw a endocrinologist and a nutritionist (also 2 friends had toes amputated because they didn’t take things seriously enough). I started counting every carb and every calorie (I use the program Cronometer) and I started walking more. It was very slow at first because I was in pretty bad shape but the more I did right I started to get better numbers so I could drop drugs. As I dropped drugs I felt much better and could do better. My last A1C was 5.7 and I am only on Metformin. I am 127 lbs and feel so much better. Read a book called Bright Spots and Landmines by Adam Brown and celebrate every tiny win. I am so grateful you would share this and I really want you to be where I am now in 2 years (I am also 63 so you don’t have to be young)

  • Shelley, TheLongPointGirl moderator author
    6 days ago

    Hi there. Thank you for your comments. I believe you have misunderstood. I am not, and have never been, jealous of others who have the results they both want and get. As a matter of record, I am thrilled for you and others! I have been diabetic for 14 years. I am 60 yrs old. I am just tired of being diabetic some days. For the most part I live quite peacefully with my diabetes. To be honest both my Primary and my endo are very happy with my numbers even though I’d like them to be different. I also monitor what I eat and I walk for my exercise but as you can see, sometimes diabetes gets the best of us and the impact on occasion can be on the emotional side. As I wrote, I’m just plain tired of it. I’m so happy for you and I thank you for your kind thoughts.

  • Thomas A McAtee Jr. moderator
    1 week ago

    Hang in there my friend!! Know the feeling as well. Sometimes we want to toss it all out the window and just wear blinders and go back to the old ways. Then we wind up thinking of the reasons we’re struggling through all of this from the beginning to the end of each day. There’s times I want to say, “Hand me the tallest, thickest, hamburger and a huge plate of french fries that you have”. “Make sure you load it with plenty of salt and mustard.” Yes it’s getting harder at times. But we manage. You always do. It’s hard but after the anger comes and passes you always get back up and get going. Right?

    Very good article Shelly.

  • Shelley, TheLongPointGirl moderator author
    6 days ago

    Thank you Tom. It’s great to know I’m in good company. We fall off the horse, dust ourselves off and get back up, sometimes a little sore and bruised but we get back up. Time to get going! Lol.

  • Thomas A McAtee Jr. moderator
    6 days ago

    Very true Shelly. sometimes it’s a hard fall and sometimes we’re luck and fall on some grass but either way it’s getting back up, dusting off and back on the ride again until the next fall.Never ending cycle I suppose. But at least we know we’re not alone in this thing of ours and can always count on someone to talk to even if it’s just to get it out of our system and knowing that they don’t mind being the sounding board because at times they need a sounding board as well. Right?

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